We assume that most of you will be involved in either preparing a Thanksgiving meal for family and friends tomorrow or travelling to attend such a gathering. We were thinking it would be fun to prepare a menu for some of the notable names we have been writing about for the better part of this year, inspired by suggestions from one of our faithful readers.

So with that as a backdrop, here’s what we would propose serving our honored guests, were they invited to our imaginary table:

For all of our guests as they arrive, a glass of champagne, especially one for FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, so he can be peppered with questions about what he is going to do now, since his boss seems to have changed his tune on the whole plan to deregulate the television business. (Note to the servers, he may need more than one glass during the cocktail hour.)

Some of our guests may need something stronger. Say, an old-fashioned for Scripps’ Adam Symson, and a Kamikaze for Sinclair’s Chris Ripley.

Let’s make sure to pass out some fine caviar to Versant’s CEO, Mark Lazarus, now that the always-fascinating Status newsletter has unearthed his pay package to be worth $35 million, should the Comcast spinoff hit all its performance targets for the newly rechristened MS NOW, along with the other unwanted, or rather, the underappreciated cable networks of NBC. Comcast head Brian Roberts seems anxious to move away from Lazarus in the growing crowd.

Speaking of not only hitting your targets, but definitely exceeding them, get whatever Status.news founder Oliver Darcy is drinking and pour us one too.

Let’s get the canapes passed out to everyone, including those ones with the cucumbers that CNN’s Mark Thompson probably likes. You’ll find him over in the corner, furtively checking his iPhone to see what the latest CNN “All Access” subscription numbers look like. Or maybe he is checking whether the job posting for the Executive Director job at the BBC is online yet.

Looking around the room, we note with some resignation that Warner Bros./Discovery chief David Zaslav has definitely stiffed us this year. He did say he was a “maybe” on his RSVP. Probably looking over those bids for WBD and figuring out how he will be spending his 2026.

Well, let’s ring the bell that we borrowed from the floor of the New York Stock Exchange to invite everyone in for dinner. It’s a sound that many of our guests will be looking to hear in the weeks and months to come.

We do have place cards set on the table, directing everyone where to sit, but we notice that Nexstar’s Perry Sook has smartly moved his so he can sit next to the aforementioned Brendan Carr. Can’t imagine that they have anything to talk about over dinner.

Let’s get those food items started being passed around, as we know everyone is famished. 

David Muir of ABC News, could you pass the mashed potatoes? We put them in front of you since your nightly broadcast can seemingly “mash" more stories into the headlines off the top of your show than anyone else. NBC’s Tom Llamas will try to put as many on his plate as he can. Sitting across from them, CBS’s Maurice DuBois and John Dickerson are passing on the mashed potatoes; they seem to be waiting for the au gratin variety. 

Their new boss, Bari Weiss, is passing the gravy boat around, because if anyone should appreciate the gravy this year, it should be the person who got a gig running a major television news operation—with absolutely no experience in the TV business at all. We do wonder whether we need plates for the number of burly bodyguards standing behind her chair at the table.

Sitting near her are the Fox News primetime anchor trio of Jesse Watters, Sean Hannity, and Laura Ingraham. The candied yams are in front of them, because if anyone should know about yammering on, it should be these three. We note that Bari seems to be trying to talk to each of them as much as possible about their holiday plans—and beyond.

But given that News Corp’s Rupert Murdoch is sitting on the other side of them, they do not appear to be engaging with Ms. Weiss while they eat. For his part, Mr. Murdoch is seemingly tickled that we have some Vegemite on the table as a condiment.

Thankfully, Gray Television’s Hilton Howell is now passing the cornbread stuffing out. We hear him say that this looks like the original southern recipe with bacon that's served at almost every home in Atlanta. (Well, of course it is, sir. What kind of heathens do you think we are?)

Speaking of Atlanta, Weather Channel owner Byron Allen is grabbing the green beans and talking about how he could use some more green on his plate, since the deal from CBS to air his “Comics Unleashed” isn’t generating quite enough “green" to save the rest of his media empire. And who put Circle City Broadcasting’s DuJuan McCoy across the table from him? Does no one know what happened when they were together in the lobby bar at Encore in Las Vegas that one year during the NAB Show?

Fortunately, NAB Chairman Curtis LeGeyt is keeping the peace next to the two of them. We knew that sitting him there could put his always-diplomatic charm skills to excellent use.

We are wondering if it was a mistake to seat Disney’s Bob Iger and wife Willow Bay across from Paramount’s former chairwoman Shari Redstone and current chair David Ellison? We thought seating that foursome closest to the turkey platter seemed smart, after their networks paid off the chief pardoner of turkeys, but now we aren’t so sure.

Of course, Merit Street Media’s Dr. Phil McGraw is asking if we will be having pie for dessert? Yes, Phil, of course we are, because no Thanksgiving meal would be complete without it. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Wolf Blitzer are having an increasingly loud debate over the merits of Apple versus Walnut varieties, while Brian Stelter is obnoxiously advocating for Pumpkin as the very best. (Fools, everyone knows that coconut cream is the best selection for discerning pie fans.)

Surveying the scene, Liberty Media titan John Malone says that this is definitely the last time he is coming to our Thanksgiving dinner, and who can blame him, really? We think we need a better guest list next year. One that would include the real people who make this business work each day, like you, our faithful readers of “The Topline.” (We definitely know you would certainly be a much more fun crowd to have at our table.)

Wherever you may spend this Thanksgiving, we hope you all have a Happy and safe one. We’ll be back with you next week after we have scoured the Black Friday sales to see if anyone is unloading a station or a network at a price we can afford. 

And yes, everyone at our fictitiously large Thanksgiving table just laughed at that outrageous notion as well—clearly ingrates, every last one of them.

Cheers!

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